Resigning Without Burning a Bridge

The position you have been interviewing for, your dream job, is yours. You have the offer letter in hand. Now comes the frightening part; resigning to your boss. She’s been a mentor and instrumental in your success. You panic… what do I say? How do I say it? Read on to find out how to resign professionally and without burning bridges.

Before you begin the interview process some HR professionals have counseled candidates to complete a “Ben Franklin” style pluses and minuses of the job and company exercise for their current position. Complete the exercise before you begin the interview process so that you are not influenced by the offer in hand and caught up in the excitement of the courtship. Complete the same exercise for your new position. In these instances an objective, non-emotional, side-by-side comparison of the two career opportunities will help make it clear that you are not moving for the sake of moving. This will help you to feel more grounded in your decision.

Remember, If you have taken it this far, to the offer stage, you are interested in another opportunity for good reasons. What are they? Write them down; think about them. Prioritize them. Discuss them with a trusted mentor or advisor. Think about what’s working and what’s not working for you at your current job and company? What do you want to do more of, less of or add to your current position? What do you like/dislike about your current company/boss/leadership?

Some reasons that may be motivating you to seriously consider another opportunity in addition to economic reasons:

Career growth and development opportunities (i.e. promotions, increase in responsibilities)
Culture / values discrepancies
Leadership disagreements (with your boss and/or senior leadership)
Organization issues (conflict, diminishing sales/market share)
Market factors (company product, services, footprint)
Lack of professional challenge
Conflict with your boss/colleagues
Lack of recognition

Invest the time to think deeply about your personal and professional reasons for seeking another opportunity, get in touch with what your gut is telling you. Don’t discount gut feelings, your gut is usually right.

Throughout the interview process continually acknowledge to yourself and others you trust the confusion, pressure and stress you may be feeling with your situation.

Research has shown that 50-80% of the individuals who actively interview for positions then accept a counter-offer, will most likely make a move anyway within 6-12 months. The Harvard Business Review published a study that found 50% of employees accepting a counter-offer left after 1 year and that counter-offers work out well only 5-25% of the time. The original reasons for considering a move don’t go away. Many times the issues, since surfaced, are actually exacerbated and are even more of an irritant for you than before.

When you do receive an offer, and if you are genuinely torn, and only if you think it’s safe to approach your current boss and company; before you submit your resignation letter you might consider saying something like: “I have received an outside job offer. I like the opportunity, however, I like the company and the people I work with here. I am asking if you would like to respond”. Do not show the offer letter or disclose the compensation you have been offered by your new employee.

This can be a tricky move and must be communicated clearly and soberly. It’s possible that it will backfire. On the other hand, it could be the start of a meaningful dialogue.

However, you must be prepared for 1 of 3 outcomes; your current company will decline, or they may be angered by the perception that you are holding them up or they may work with you. If they work with you it’s incumbent on you to tell them what it will take to keep you. Know what you can live with. If the company meets your requests, you had better be prepared to accept. A word of caution; you should never stay just for the money just as you should never leave for the money.

Resignation Tips

Always try to resign on the best of terms. Don’t burn any bridges. In general, keep it quiet until after you resign. Tell no one at work until after you have officially resigned. Be self-aware; do not give any indications or drop hints “accidentally”.

Resign sooner rather than later. Give adequate notice. Provide a specific date that you will be leaving the company. Don’t put off the inevitable and make yourself, and possibly others miserable. Besides, human nature being what it is, it’s possible that your boss and team will feel something is “different” with you and may put you on the spot and ask you about it. Prepare and rehearse your verbal resignation statement ahead of time.

Call or email your boss to schedule the meeting. Schedule the resignation meeting at the end of the day, preferably at the end of the week. Resign in person. Don’t resign by phone or email unless there is no other option. Professionalism is defined as: “exhibiting a courteous, conscientious and generally businesslike manner, characterized by conforming to technical or ethical standards of a profession”. This means having the hard conversation when required, standing tall, saying what needs to be said, looking your superior in the eye and saying “I am resigning”.

When you have your meeting with your boss, walk in with your resignation letter in hand (you can Google to get millions of examples) and your transition plan developed and in writing. Hand a copy of the resignation letter to your boss. Verbally resign as planned then hand the transition plan to your boss. Don’t lead with: “I am thinking about another opportunity”. You aren’t thinking about another opportunity, you have already accepted the job offer.

Be professional, be polite, be positive and upbeat, be as non-emotional as you can muster. Avoid going in “heavy” with the weight of the world on your shoulders. Be concise, provide minimal details, it’s okay to keep it vague if you prefer. Be consistent with your story. Be resolute, don’t ramble on. The way you leave will be the way you will be remembered.

Have your mind made up before you go into resign. If your boss sees that you have not made up your mind, they may try to influence you making the situation more uncomfortable. So prepare in advance. Be confident with your decision to move on. Express gratitude, be magnanimous. Be honest (but not brutally honest), avoid conflict and be gone. Avoid the emotional soap opera and lamenting by you and/or your superior. It will be exhausting for both of you and of no value to anyone. If you feel the meeting is going that way, cut it short. Have an appointment that you must get to.

After resigning focus the remaining time reviewing your written transition plan with your boss. Collaborate with her on how to best announce your departure and what each of you will say. Save any criticism for your exit interview with HR. This is not the time or place to vent or give “critical feedback”.

Rehearse and role play, prepare your responses to the following questions that you may be asked by your superior or CEO. Don’t be blindsided by the tough questions that may be asked of you. Remember to be honest but you don’t have to be brutally honest. Practice with your spouse, a trusted friend or mentor. Anticipate what additional questions may be asked. Some questions might be:

Why are you resigning?
Why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy?
Where are you going?
Is it the money?
What did you like most/least about this company?
How do you feel about your boss?
Would you recommend this company to perspective employees?
What did you like most/least about your job?
Was there anything especially challenging that you had to deal with here?
How did you feel about the feedback you received from your manager?
What advice would you give to your replacement?

Be prepared to leave immediately. It’s possible that your company will invite you to “get a box, get your stuff and get out”. You may be escorted out of the building by security. So prepare ahead of time by getting small personal items and personal files and documents out of the office beforehand. Do not take any confidential information.

Offer to help ease the transition. Offer to be on call for a reasonable and specific period of time after you have departed to answer any questions your boss and replacement may have. Offer to help find your replacement. Offer candidates to consider for your position. Make phone calls to colleagues, spread the word.

Give a two week notice… be firm on this unless you have a written agreement or an employment contract specifying a specific amount of time that you have agreed to in writing. If your current company is asking for a longer period of time for the notice they could be in a panic and grasping at straws. Understand that long goodbyes are torturous near the end. Everyone I have ever spoken to who was asked to stay longer than two weeks has commented that it was too long, not necessary and emotionally draining at the end. Negotiate an “early out” if you finish training the new hire.

If the company insists on a longer notice explain that your new company requires you to be there in two weeks. Ensure your current company and management that you have created a detailed transition plan and that you will be available to answer questions for your replacement. If they persist, you can say, “I will check with my new employer then get back to you”. Do not cave to the pressure and promise something your new employer may not be happy about or agree to. You will need to balance pleasing and easing the transition anxiety of your old company with the interests of your new employer. If your new employer bristles at the idea of an extended notice, politely decline the offer to extend your stay. Your loyalty is to your new employer.

Additionally, do the following:

Ask explicitly that they NOT make a counter-offer and say explicitly that you will not accept one.
Ask for a recommendation before you leave.
After the meeting recap the details of the meeting in writing in an email or letter to your boss and to HR.

If possible meet personally with your closest colleagues, mentors, supporters and anyone who has championed your development after you have resigned. Call if you cannot meet face-to-face. Let them know how much you appreciate them… say a proper goodbye… get their contact information… stay in touch with them. Emails and phone calls are okay if there is no other way. In person is always best.

Don’t take it personally if colleagues snub you after resigning. It can be awkward for some colleagues, especially immature or junior ones, as they do not yet understand how to be fully professional in awkward situations such as these.

Leaving a bad situation is easy but leaving a good company and boss is much more difficult. Acknowledge the emotional component involved in leaving a team and boss that you have respected and worked well with, however, do stay in touch with why you were open to a change in the first place.

Do not disparage your old company, boss or colleagues to anyone… ever. Resist the temptation. Be neutral at worst. Wrap up outstanding projects… leave nothing unfinished. Stay committed, motivated and productive to the end.

Sample resignation letter and meeting phrases

Use the following example phrases to construct your resignation letter and the resignation statement you will be submitting to your boss:

Thank them for their support, time and investment in your career.
I appreciate the opportunity you have given to me and what the company has provided.
I have found an opportunity that is right for me, my career growth and my family.
Express gratitude for all they have done for you. If it were not for your coaching and support and the opportunities you have provided for me; I would not be ready to take this next step in my career.
Enjoyed my time here….I have learned a great deal.
You have been a valued mentor.
I have made up my mind, my decision is final.
I really appreciate your understanding my position.
I just cannot say no to this opportunity, it’s a perfect fit.
I am choosing this opportunity for the career growth it will provide for me.
It’s not personal; it’s business.
I know that you want what’s right for me and my family.
Google “executive resignation letter examples” for more examples, ideas and options.

Follow the suggestions outlined above, congratulations! You’ve resigned like a pro!

My sincere appreciation to clients, candidates, search and HR colleagues for their contributions to this article.